Friday, May 21, 2004
On being accused of "not supporting the troops."
Been a long time since I updated. Sorry about that--I've been spending a lot of time over at Bionic Jive, a site that is much better laid out than this, with better posting capabilities. Plus, people actually visit that blog from time to time, so...you know.
Anyway, this was a thought that originated in a comment over there...I was trying to come up with a good analogy about being told I don't support the troops, or I don't love America because I'm against the war, or some other such nonsense, and I came up with this:
(Setting: a playground, during recess at an elementary school.)
BILLY (crying): WAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Timmy just beat me up in the bathroom!!!
MARY: No he didn't! You're crazy! He hasn't gone to the bathroom all day!
BILLY'S BROTHER, BOBBY: Where is he? I'll kill him!
BILLY (to himself): heh heh heh.
MARY: This is a bad idea.
You see, Billy lied about getting beaten up by Timmy, because he wanted Bobby to go kick Timmy's ass. Why? Nobody really knows...
(later, after school)
BOBBY: You're gonna die, biz-natch!
TIMMY: (bows)
Timmy has a black belt in Kyokushin Karate. Even though Bobby is much bigger and stronger, this might not be as simple as Bobby and Timmy thought...
(They fight. Bobby's sheer size advantage is the only thing that keeps him in the game, and rather than being a quick one-two like he initially thought it would be, it's taking bloody forever, as it's hard to lay a punch on Timmy without getting kicked in the balls.
The fight goes on for hours...much longer than anyone expected it would. Billy's cheering from the sidelines, while simultaneously trying to convince Mary it's not as bad as it looks. Mary maintains that Billy shouldn't have lied to Bobby, getting him to attack Tommy in the first place.)
------------
Now, the outcome of this situation is yet unknown. But here's the relevant question:
What's the worst problem facing Bobby right now? Is it (a) Mary's protesting (her fault), or (b) the fact that Bobby's in that situation at all (Billy's fault)? Which is more dangerous to Bobby at present?
Put in this light, it seems pretty much like a no-brainer to me, especially given Billy's bald-faced lie.
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Anyway, this was a thought that originated in a comment over there...I was trying to come up with a good analogy about being told I don't support the troops, or I don't love America because I'm against the war, or some other such nonsense, and I came up with this:
(Setting: a playground, during recess at an elementary school.)
BILLY (crying): WAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Timmy just beat me up in the bathroom!!!
MARY: No he didn't! You're crazy! He hasn't gone to the bathroom all day!
BILLY'S BROTHER, BOBBY: Where is he? I'll kill him!
BILLY (to himself): heh heh heh.
MARY: This is a bad idea.
You see, Billy lied about getting beaten up by Timmy, because he wanted Bobby to go kick Timmy's ass. Why? Nobody really knows...
(later, after school)
BOBBY: You're gonna die, biz-natch!
TIMMY: (bows)
Timmy has a black belt in Kyokushin Karate. Even though Bobby is much bigger and stronger, this might not be as simple as Bobby and Timmy thought...
(They fight. Bobby's sheer size advantage is the only thing that keeps him in the game, and rather than being a quick one-two like he initially thought it would be, it's taking bloody forever, as it's hard to lay a punch on Timmy without getting kicked in the balls.
The fight goes on for hours...much longer than anyone expected it would. Billy's cheering from the sidelines, while simultaneously trying to convince Mary it's not as bad as it looks. Mary maintains that Billy shouldn't have lied to Bobby, getting him to attack Tommy in the first place.)
------------
Now, the outcome of this situation is yet unknown. But here's the relevant question:
What's the worst problem facing Bobby right now? Is it (a) Mary's protesting (her fault), or (b) the fact that Bobby's in that situation at all (Billy's fault)? Which is more dangerous to Bobby at present?
Put in this light, it seems pretty much like a no-brainer to me, especially given Billy's bald-faced lie.
Sunday, May 02, 2004
Fucking brilliant.
This letter appeared in the Modesto Bee (my hometown newspaper) today. It's possibly the funniest thing I've ever seen in the Bee, comics included:
This letter should serve as a notice to all letter writers, editorial writers and anyone else prone to public comment about President Bush. Referring to him as an "idiot," "imbecile" or such derogatory terms may result in your imprisonment for a total of 20 years -- five years for libel and 15 years for disclosure of classified information.
--DAVID A. BULTENA
Congrats, Mr. Bultena, you had me rolling on the floor. Way to tell it like it is, and thanks for further restoring my hope in my hometown.
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This letter should serve as a notice to all letter writers, editorial writers and anyone else prone to public comment about President Bush. Referring to him as an "idiot," "imbecile" or such derogatory terms may result in your imprisonment for a total of 20 years -- five years for libel and 15 years for disclosure of classified information.
--DAVID A. BULTENA
Congrats, Mr. Bultena, you had me rolling on the floor. Way to tell it like it is, and thanks for further restoring my hope in my hometown.
